Monday, October 06, 2008

Vote or Die!

There are no words to express how much I hate P. Diddy!

Anyway, I was going to tell you about my weekend today, but then I realized that I suddenly had a bigger issue to deal with...the fact that I have been nominated for President of the United States of America. I know it seems like a far fetched idea...and I don't know who started it, but clearly the blog is beginning to sweep the nation.

Now, I don't like to talk politics because it's usually a no win situation for everyone involved. But, since I have accepted the nomination...I must give you a little bit of what I believe in.

So here is my short...but important platform.

1.) The DH rule is out of baseball forever!

2.) Every Thursday from now until the end of my term shall be. "Chili and Beer Thursday" You can eat it with a spoon, on a hot dog, on french fries...whatever you wish...but YOU MUST EAT CHILI EVERY THURSDAY! You must also wash the Chili down with a delicious brew of your choice. I know that some people aren't old enough to drink...and some people don't like chili...well tough, I'm the President and I do what I want!

3.) My first day of office will be celebrated by having a "kick the no-talent ass clown in the face" party on the front lawn of the White House...everyone is invited and a few of the guests scheduled to appear include, Paris Hilton, P. Diddy, Matthew McConaughey, NickelBack, Oxi Clean guy and the host of "Cheaters"

4.) I'm still not sure who my VP candidate will be...but here is a list of my top 5 in no particular order:
* Rick Pitino
* Tom Brady
* E-Trade Baby
* Trey Parker and Matt Stone (South Park guys)
* Dwight Kurt Schrutte

5.) Ok now for the REAL issues:

* Gas Prices - Two words...Flintstones cars!

* The economy - I think if we all just trust our money in the hands of the e-trade baby...we'll be ok. I mean I've seen him buy and trade stock on TV before and he's got enough extra money to buy a clown...plus he's only like a year old!

* Foreign Affairs - Every country is good for something (maybe not Finland)...so let's figure out what we want from each country and then bully them until we get it...then whenever they want something from us...lets use the trick where we act like we're reaching in our pocket to get something for them...but then just pull out a big middle finger and shove it in their face! What can I say? America's the best...suck on it!

* Religion, Abortion - Not touching this one.

Alright, that's really all I've thought out so far...I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that I've been nominated for president.

To find out more about my surprise rise to Presidential awesomeness....click the link and check out this story that was on the news a few nights ago....

Vote For Brian!


Ok gang, I think I would do great things for this country...I've got great ideas, but more than anything...I'm a really fun guy who likes to take it easy and have a good time. Also, I'll bring youth and excitement to our great nation! So, if you want change....real change...like Chili and Beer Thursday change....vote for Brian!

Song of the Day: CCR - Fortunate Son
Beer of the Day: Pabst Blue Ribbon

No comments: