Friday, August 29, 2008


All hail to thee our U of L
As we stand up for her fame.
All hail to thee our U of L
As we fight to win this game.
Sing praises for a victory,
We wish our heroes well.
All hail the Cardinal Spirit.
All hail our U of L!

I said yesterday was my last post...but I lied. I wasn't going to post anything about the UofL vs. UK game on Sunday, but I made the mistake of listening to a sports talk radio show yesterday. And with sports talk radio comes hundreds and hundreds of idiotic fans...most of whom sound like this:

Billy from Pikesville:
"Yeah, long time listener, first time caller...I love the show! Anyway, I just wanna say that the Cats' defense is better by a lot than anything those little tweety birds can put out on the field. They ain't even got enough players to play cause of injuries...huh huh huh...I mean I just think it's simple to see that the Cats' are gonna win big on Sunday...34-6. I was wondering how you guys feel about that? I'll hang up and listen!"

It's makes you lose a lot of respect for humans. I know there are some ridiculous Cardinal fans as well...but lets be honest, the majority of callers are Cat fans...and the majority of them are dumb.

So am I nervous about the game? Yes, everyone is. Do I think the Cards will win? I sure hope so...because I can't take a repeat of last year...and neither can my right hand:
Damn you blown coverage and Noah Style Coors Lights!

Anyway, it should be a great game....well it should be a close game anyway.


I'm off to South Carolina in about 4 hours! WooHoo! Have a great weekend!

Song of the Day: The Get Down Click - Louisville, Louisville
Beer of the Day: BBC - Dark Star Porter

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I'm really strugglin'

I've had a terrible time blogging the past few days. Usually I just can't wait to get on here and rant and rave about something...but these days I've got nothing. I dunno, here's a bunch of random stuff you might care about.

* College Football starts today...WOOOHOOO! South Carolina and N.C. State at 8 on ESPN! I don't know anything about those two teams this year...but I bet there will be some it'll be worth watching.

* Operation Dump Becky (3ish.0) is making a comeback. This week I've ran a total of 6 miles and I have stopped eating in between meals all together. Becky is still in good shape, but hopefully not for long. (I realize these achievements are not anything to write home about...but they are something to blog home about...and it's a start so what the hey!)

* I bought a table and a chair for my balcony last's gonna be sweet.

* So get this, I go to put on my old trusty Rainbow flip-flops today...the same pair I wore yesterday...and there are big cracks in the leather on both flops!!! I've had these bad boys for like 5 years and they've always been so good to me...I'm afraid this is the beginning of the end...someone hold me!

* Your 2008 CrapBag roster (backups in parentheses):

QB: Brett Favre (Philip Rivers)
RBs: Brian Westbrook, Larry Johnson (Thomas Jones)
WRs: Andre Johnson, Marvin Harrison, Greg Jennings (Kellen Winslow)
K: Adam Vinatieri (David Akers)
Def: Bears (Redskins)

I know, I didn't get Tom...I'm upset too. But as promised yesterday...a super awkward/embarrassing photo of the jerk who stole him from me:
Put your gun down you bad's scaring me.

* Anyone see Misty May and Keri Walsh on Letterman last night? Man, Misty is awesome!

* I bought a hair brush last night at Target because I figure if I'm gonna act like an adult I should at least run a brush through my hair every once in a while. Do you have any idea how expensive hair brushes are? The cheapest one...and it is CHEAP...was like 5 bucks! I mean I was under the impression that those were Target $1 section material. Man, no wonder I haven't brushed my hair in like a decade.

* Ok, because I jipped you yesterday (today too) and because I love it:

Alright guys, This may be my last post until next Tuesday, since I leave at 1 tomorrow for Charleston! Woooo! So if it is...GO CARDS and Happy Labor Day! (Pssst....anyone else think Lautaro just got that job so he didn't have to feel guilty about celebrating Labor Day? Me too!)

Song of the Day: Wolf Parade - Soldier's Grin
Beer of the Day: BBC - Cardinal Red Ale (This beer is just ok, but it's from Louisville...and called Cardinal Red...and you get the point)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Wednesday Non-Sense

I really don't have much to talk about today. I was either going to come on here and talk about Fantasy Football, since my draft is tonight...or I was just going to post all of the youtube videos of the e-trade baby!

I know...I should have picked the youtube videos...that baby is awesome. But, because it's my blog, we do what I want...and we'll talk Fantasy Football today...and leave the stock baby for another.

Let me start by saying that I enjoy playing fantasy football. Here is how my league works. We have 8 teams, and each team has a "coach" and pays $15 bucks to play. I myself am the coach of the CrapBags, who happen to be the defending champions of the league...and have actually won 2 championships in the league's short 5-year existence. (A feat only matched by the CrapBags arch rival and nemisis...the Zuckercorns! (Ben's team)).

Side note: The name of my team comes from a "Friends" episode where Phoebe decides to change her name to "Princess Consuela Bananahammock" Her boyfriend Mike, played by the hilarious Paul Rudd, decides that he'll also change his name and he goes with...Crap Bag. He tells Phoebs that if she ever has trouble remembering his name...she should just think of a bag of crap! Truly a great "Friends" moment.

Ok, anyway back to FF. Once we draft our players for our teams...we play one other team a week and for every yard our players gain, touchdown they score...our teams get points. It sounds kinda childish...and it is. But, it's good for one thing...keeping you entertained while watching NFL Football.

If you're like me you don't really have a favorite NFL team. I claim the Packers...but I'm not a die-hard Packer's mostly because they have Brian Brohm. But, with Fantasy Football...I can legitimatley watch almost any NFL game and be concerned with who is scoring and such. It's awesome. It's also really strange though because it changes the way you cheer during the games.

For instance, Patriots' QB Tom Brady, is the franchise player for the CrapBags...he's been on my team for like the past 3 years. Usually if the Pats have the ball I'm cheering for them and I want them to score. But, if Laurence Maroney (The Pats running back) is handed the ball, breaks a few tackles and is headed for the endzone...I start screaming at the TV hoping someone on the other team will knock him down...or perhaps he'll step out of bounds. If I'm lucky enough to see him get tackled...I stop rooting for the defense and once again root for the hopes that Tom Brady will throw a TD on the next play. Get it? Of course you don't. The only way to understand is to play.

Now while Fantasy Football is exciting and you can shift your support for two opposing teams each shouldn't go too far. Some fools out there live for Fantasy Football. They spend thousands of dollars entering leagues and getting the top cheat sheets from ESPN's gross. Without a doubt each Fall several thousand couples go into relationship counseling because some men pay more attention to their Fantasy Football team than to their significant's sad really.

So yeah, if you like the NFL...try out some Fantasy Football. I'm sure you'll enjoy it...just don't take it too far.

* SIDE NOTE: If someone steals Tom Brady from me in tonight's draft...I will post terrible, horrible, embarrassing (photoshopped if need be) pictures of that person on this blog tomorrow. Tom is MINE...hands off!

Song of the Day: Elvis Costello - Blame It On Cain
Beer of the Day: Coors Light...Noah Style (It's my football beer)
(Also, "Noah Style" refers to the fashion in which I like to drink my "football inspired" Coors see I have a big UofL mug that holds two beers. So whenever football is happening I drink them two at a time...or two by two...hence "Noah" style.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Growing Pains...

...and I'm not talking about the TV show. (but Mrs. Seaver was a hottie!)

No I'm talking about my struggles with becoming an actual adult. My main struggle is when I go to use the old trusty telephone.

I'm a pretty well spoken guy, I think I'm fairly social, and I rarely have trouble talking when having a conversation with another person...but whenever I pick up a telephone and call someone I don't know, I immediately have the public speaking ability of a 4 year old.

Well as you can imagine, these days I have been making lots of calls. I've been trying to get cable and electricity for my new place, and as my job duties pick up...I have to call more and more people for work.

Let me give you a few examples of how smooth I am on the phone.

Example 1: I am the commissioner of a Fantasy Football league. We are planning on having our draft on Wednesday and for the past few years we have done it upstairs at the Bearno's in the Highlands. So I thought I'd call and see if I could reserve the room again. Here is how the conversation went...I'm not kidding.


Bearno's Lady: "Thank you for calling Bearno's. How may I help you?"

Me: "Hi, I have...on Wednesday I was wondering...because we have a fantasy football...for like 2 hours upstairs...we do it every year at like 6 o'clock maybe?"

-deep breath-

"Hmmmm, let me try that again. I was wondering if I could reserve your upstairs room on Wednesday for a Fantasy Football draft?"

Bearno's Lady: "Uhhh, let me get my manager for you..."

Now, why was that so hard? I knew what I wanted to say...but it took me like 3 minutes and one restart to say one sentence! It ended up being no big deal, but you could tell my suaveness on the phone easily confused this poor unfortunate Bearno's lady....and made me feel like a moron.

Example #2 (work):

I'm starting to get more and more paralegal work at the office and with that I have to use the big boy phone more. First of all, I love using the office phone. I feel so important when I call and say, "Hey Rod, do you have the date of injury on this case?" or "Hey Dad, you ready to go to Q'Doba?" I mean I just feel like a big shot. However, I often have to call people who I don't know and ask them real lawyer stuff...the main problem is that I don't really know all the terminology. So when I call to get wage records from a client I have a hard time and it sounds like this.


Client: "Good afternoon, this is Bethany."
Me: "Hi, may I speak to Bethany?"
Client: "Yeeeees, this is she"
Me: "Oh, well hello Bethany! I was wondering if you could maybe help me by giving me some of this person's financial records from when he worked at the company where he worked when he got injured?"
Client: "..."
Me: "I mean, I'm am Brian from so and so law firm and I was wondering if you could fax me the wage records for Mr. Jones?"
Client: "Oh, is that all you need? That's no problem, I'd be happy to send them."
Me: "Thanks for your help (sorry I'm a moron)"

I mean hard is that? I eventually get it, but without a doubt I will get nervous and toungue tied and then I will look like a moron. In fact I have such bad anxiety that I often feel like hanging up the phone anytime I call someone and they answer, just like Steve Carrell in 40 Year Old Virgin. Also, I always plan out in my head exactly what I want to say...and then the panic sets in when they answer... and I just blow it.

I should just really let it flow from now on...just say what I want and not worry about what I sound like. Oh well, I guess the more I do it the better I will is just going to take a few more painfully awkward conversations before I really sound like I know what I'm talking about.

Song of the Day: Ben Sollee - How To See The Sun Rise (This dude is a cellist and he's goooood!)
Beer of the Day: Flying Dog - Gonzo Imperial Porter

Monday, August 25, 2008

Monday chatter

Lots of stuff going on in my world these days...

* Is anyone else totally depressed that the Olympics are over? I mean not only do I have to wait 4 more years, the Beijing games were just outstanding. From Phelps, to Bolt, to the ridiculous opening and closing was all good. Also, the men's volleyball team winning the gold after the coach's father-in-law was killed was awesome! Almost as awesome as the "Redeem Team" taking back the gold and celebrating like little school girls. The whole thing was wonderful...bring on London 2012!

* I went to "Alefest" this weekend in Dayton, OH. Have you ever been to Dayton, OH before? You know what is a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the hell out! Just kidding, I heard that joke told before and I've always wanted to use it (Thanks Dave Attell). Dayton as a city may be kinda lame...but the brew fest was great. Breweries from all over coming together to celebrate craft beer! It was awesome. Flying Dog was by far the most fun booth, and I'll purchase more from them because of it.

* I bought a book shelf for my new apartment...and my mom got me a lamp. Wooo!

* My Morning Jacket performed in Dallas on Saturday night. They often do a nasty version of Erykah Badu's "Tyrone" and when they performed it on Saturday they got a special guest appearance from the soulful Ms. Badu herself. Check it:

I would have done terrible terrible things to have been able to attend that concert. Also, the video doesn't show it, but Jim sang the first verse like normal and then Ms. Badu came out of no where to wail on the rest. Can you imagine how soulful and how talented a child between Jim James and Erykah Badu would be? Also, try to imagine the hair on that would be nuts!

* The UofL vs. UK game is less than a week away and I have no idea who will win this game. I felt ok about it, but then we lost all of our wide receivers and apparently a starting linebacker. I will say that no matter who wins, I will hold my head high and be proud of my Cardinals. Also, if we lose...the first UK fan dumb enough to try to rub it in will be treated to an hour long session of me lecturing them on all the ways their life is a bit sadder than mine...regardless of the outcome of that game. Go Cards!

* I leave for Charleston on Friday to see Taylor! Woo-hoo!

* Did I mention how awesome Kobe Bryant and Dwayne Wade were yesterday? They were crazy awesome!

* Friday Lautaro came by to peep the new apartment, I think he liked it and seemed confident that he will be my roommate in a few months. I'm just thankful that I'll have someone to cuddle with when I get lonely! I call big spoon Laut!

* I thought I had one more thing to talk about...but I can't remember what it was. Oh well.

Song of the Day: Ryan Adams - Tears of Gold
Beer of the Day: Tommyknocker - Maple Nut Brown

Friday, August 22, 2008

I'm growing's official.

Yup that's right, Brian's farewell to college tour is about to come to an end. In about 2 weeks, I'll be moving out and into an apartment. I always knew the day would come, but now that it's close...I'm feeling about 10,000 different ways at once.

First let me set up the situation. My brother lives with his friend Chris in a killer apartment on Sherwood Ave. Yup the street that runs off of Bardstown Rd. and is surrounded by Ear X-Tacy, Old Town Liquors and Q'Doba. My brother is moving out however, which leaves an open spot. So, I'm moving in and I'll live with Chris until about November. Then, everyone's favorite Argentine, Lautaro, will hopefully replace Chris in order to help me stay warm at night.

I have been trying to think of all the things I'm going to need and it's hard (that's what she said). Last night my Dad helped me pick out a bed and some bed room furniture. A few nights ago, my mom helped me pick out a bead spread and some other decorations for the place (kegerator). It feels like I'm going away to college again, but I'm not...this is moving out for realzies.

I'm super excited about having my own place and I know I'll still see my family as much as I ever, especially considering that I won't be in Danville for 8 months of the year, but it's just weird.

Sigh...I know that everyone deals with this at some point (obviously some deal with it better than others), but I just feel so young to be moving out on my own, you know?

Oh well, it's a bitchin' apartment, I've got everything I need (HDTV, Kegerator, Bed) and I bet Mom and/or Dad would come tuck me in at night if I asked them!

I'll be giving more info about my apartment as I make purchases for the place, set up a bar area and set the date for my first party! It's gonna be wild...but I'm ready!

Have a good weekend!

Song of the Day: Ben Folds - Still Fighting It
Beer of the Day: Left Hand - Deep Cover Brown Ale

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Gold Medal Crush

Ok, because the Olympics are winding down...I'm going to share an embarrassing story about myself. Before I tell you this story I need you all to remember that you are my friends and most of you became my friends AFTER what I'm about to tell you occurred. Without further it goes.

We all know I love the Olympics. This year's Olympics have been especially grand, with the whole Michael Phelps deal, the Redeem Team, Keri and Misty, etc. But, there is one Olympics that will never be topped in my mind/heart. The Olympic games of 1996 in Atlanta! Not even the 1992 Dream team in Barcelona can overtake the place of one team in my heart...the 1996 Women's Gymnastics team.

When the Olympics rolled around and I was 10 years old, I was all about them...well mainly I was all about this girl:
Dominique Moceanu! What a Fox!

***Note, I chose that specific picture to stress the point that I was a kid when this occurred.

Man I thought Ms. Moceanu was the best lookin' lady I had ever laid eyes on. I watched her whenever she was on TV that summer. I watched her bounce and flip during the floor exercise and my heart raced with every step she took on the balance beam. I LOVED HER!!!

As if my absolute infatuation wasn't enough, the women's team ended up winning the gold in exciting fashion, thanks to Keri Strugg's one legged vault. When they won, I was in awe as my sweet little Dominique received her gold medal. She made me so proud, how could she be any cuter than she was with that gold medal around her neck?

Well, the next night she melted my heart even more. The gymnasts held a "night of champions" with all the medal winners performing for fun. Wouldn't you know it, Dominique was doing a playful floor routine and then busted out into the macarena halfway through! OMG! I was floored, it was easily the cutest thing I had ever seen.

This is where the story turns south...and by south I mean gets really really lame.

The Olympics would soon be over, but even the closing ceremonies couldn't end my love. So I did what any love struck 10 year old would do...I built my very own balance beam and decided to practice in hopes of meeting her someday. I used three pieces of wood, a few nails and some red, white and blue paint (I needed a flag and all the gymnasts names on my beam). Also, it should be noted that my beam was only about 5 inches off the ground, otherwise I would be dead right now. I eventually mastered my cartwheel on the beam and that's as far as I ever got.

I had just about given up my dream of meeting my love, but then I got great news. The USA women's gymnastics team was going on a "Gold Medal" tour around the country...and they were coming to Louisville! I immediately begged my mom for tickets and luckily she bought me some (there were plenty available). We went out to Freedom Hall one Saturday afternoon and I got to see little Dominique perform her finest routines! It was a special day indeed, I even got a poster to commemorate the occasion.

As the years pass my love for Dominique has faded, I met some real girls and that distracted me from my fantasy...Also apparently Dominique was kinda mean and she even "divorced" from her parents a few years later (Who knew you could do that?). So, while my love fades with every day that passes, each Olympics reminds me of my crush on Ms. Moceanu and the way she used to twirl!

Sigh, I was such a cool kid.

Also, remember that occured when I was 10. All of you became/remained friends with me past that point! I don't play on my balance beam at all anymore (lie)...I don't even have it (bigger lie).

Song of the Day: The Jam - That's Entertainment
Beer of the Day: Furthermore - Knot Stock Pale Ale

PS. Two more fans with the addition of Amy and much for that Denzel guarantee.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Becky wins...for now

Well as we all know...Becky and I have been battling it out for a while now and no matter how hard I try I just can't get rid of her. Becky got a huge boost when I bought my new TV, but now she has picked up something that has made her an unstoppable force. That's right last night I bought this:

Yup...that's a kegerator!

Yup...that means I'll have draft beer at my fingertips at all times!

Yup...that means those 10-15 pounds I wanted to lose by October are feeling heavier than ever.

I know what you're saying, "Brian, how could you do it? Becky has been so bad to you and now you're just giving her ammo!" Well my friends, I got $100 off of my new how was I supposed to pass that up? I mean seriously...that's like putting a protein shake dispenser in front of Mitch's face and telling him it's $100 off! He probably would have bought it faster than I bought my kegerator...and trust me I didn't need a lot of convincing last night!

Here is the bright side though. This is a wise investment. I'm always going to drink beer...I always have and I always will! When I intended to get in shape in the first place I wasn't giving up beer...that'd be ridiculous. Now, if I buy a keg of beer it's going to end up saving me money in the long run as opposed to buying enough 6packs to equal the same amount of really all this is, is a money saving strategy.

Let me explain. A small keg from BBC here in Louisville costs about 35 or 40 bucks and it includes about 60 or 70 beers. That's 10 or so 6 packs. A 6 pack of BBC beer is about 8 bucks. So instead of getting 60 beers for 80 bucks I now get it for less than half of the price. See, everyone should have one of's really a sin not to! (If my math is off, ignore it...I'm a beer drinking English major for crying out loud, and it doesn't change the awesomeness of the kegerator!)

So there, this was actually the best and smartest purchase I've ever made. Now maybe my kids will be able to go to college with all the beer money I will save...or I could just get twice as much beer!?!?!?

As for Becky, she may have won the battle...but this is a war and October isn't here yet. I just need to stop drinking draft beer and watching my crazy awesome TV. It could still happen!


Song of the Day: Marvin Gaye - What's Happening Brother
Beer of the Day: New Holland - The Poet (Oatmeal Stout)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Chalk Up Another One

That's right, it's time to add to my list of things I can't stand:
See the look in that lady's eyes? You know what it is? Regret. Regret because she married a gigantic tool box and he has no idea she's about to leave him.

Bluetooth headsets are officially on the Brian hate list! I mean really...these have to be the dumbest things on the planet.

Before I go on my 300 word rant about why I hate these things...let me admit that I'm not entirely sure how they work...but basically I think that you just can talk on your phone without opening the phone and while looking like a robot/space man all at the same time.

Now then, I went to Qdoba yesterday and I saw two people with their space gear on. One guy was sitting at a table, eating lunch, with his friend and the other guy was standing in line behind me. Let me tell you why this makes me so mad.

Let's take the guy at the table first. He's sitting there enjoying a nice meal with his friend/co-worker, but the whole time he is sending a message...his message is that he is such an absolute big shot that he has to be able to answer his phone...without his all times. He doesn't give a crap what his friend is saying, as long as they both realize how cool Mr. Bluetooth is with his ear piece. If I were this guy's friend...I would have sat there and extended my right hand toward him with an erect middle finger until he chose to remove his "piece." I know that sounds extreme...but that's pretty much what he's doing to his buddy anyway. No way I'm standing for that.

Now the other guy. He's standing in line...not holding anything...waiting to order. If his phone is to ring during this occasion (How could it not? He's obviously important), why couldn't he just answer it with his normal people? Well the answer is because he's a dick. He needs people to realize how special he is and how not only is he tech savvy...he's getting so many calls that he'll probably get one in line at Qdoba. It's the same reason his polo was totally unbuttoned. He wants people to know how manly he is with his dozen chest hairs. It's sad really.

I've heard some people say that they use their bluetooth in the car so they can focus on driving and have their hands free, then they just forget to take them off when not in the car because they're so use to it. B-B-B-Bologna. I mean seriously, if you're talking on the phone in the car...your ability to drive decreases no matter what does it matter if you have to hold something or if you have some spaceship lodged in your ear?

Bluetooth head pieces are stupid...bottom line. If you know and support someone who wears one, or if you yourself wear one...feel free to argue your case. However, when I show you all the ways bluetooth head sets are lame and then point and laugh at must then remove your ear piece and call me to tell me that you're sorry...and when you call I want you to hold that phone with your hand damn it!

Happy Tuesday!

Song of the Day: My Morning Jacket - Smokin' From Shootin'
Beer of the Day: Avery - Ellie's Brown

Monday, August 18, 2008

LouEvil Urges

It was a long weekend, full of some ups and a lot of downs...but we all made it through.

So, today I want to talk about a band. But, not any band...THE band.

A band that has melted my face for the past 5 years, but has been going for about a decade or so now. A band that has me feeling more proud to claim Louisville as my home each and every day. A band that played a homecoming show Saturday night that can only be described as...epic.
A band that is called...MY MORNING JACKET

As many may know, this has been my favorite band for quite some time...I'll never replace the Beatles as my all time favorite band, but MMJ is trying to make me at least consider making them co-number ones!

For those who have never heard of the band...I'm sorry. I would love to give you a description of what they sounded like...but I would never be able to give a description that is sufficient. Their influences range from Neil Young to Bread to Curtis Mayfield...and you can hear them all, and everything in between.

In an age where music is as abundant as ever, and arguably as watered down as ever...My Morning Jacket have hit it big...and for good reason. They bought a van about 10 years ago and began to travel and perform anywhere they could. Trips around Louisville, trips to Europe, anywhere they could play...they did.

Now it's paying off with their most recent album, "Evil Urges" debuting at #9 on the Billboard charts. Their leader, singer, guitarist Jim James is quickly becoming one of the biggest forces on the music scene...his voice is as unique as they come and it has often been described as angelic and spooky at the same time.

I could go on, I could talk about how I think Patrick Hallahan is the best drummer on the planet. I could talk about how they are my idols as rock stars, I could also talk about how much certain songs of their's mean to me...but it would all just be blabber to those who don't know the music or the band.

So here's what you should do. Go buy an album, I personally think that you could get any of their five and be fine...but that's me. If I were you and I was an MMJ newbie, I would buy Okonokos. It's a 2 disc live album that sums up their first 4 albums by hitting all the highlights. After that, move on to their newest album, Evil Urges, and work yourself back from there. Also, if you ever have the chance...see them live. Don't just go though. Go and get as close to the stage as you can and enjoy every ounce of emotion these five guys put into their show. You can thank me later.

If you're sitting their worrying that you're too old or too young to like this band, or perhaps you like country, or rap, or indie rock, or funk...and you just don't think you can get in to this band...well you're wrong. There were as many 50 year olds at Saturday's concert as there were 16 year olds and they cross genres so often that there is not only something for everyone in their catalouge...there is something for everyone on each and every album.

So please, don't do it for it for you...go get a CD or two and listen to it until you can't listen anymore...not because you're sick of it...but because it makes you want to cry because this is music that my generation can be proud to pass on to our children.

Song of the Day: My Morning Jacket - Magheetah, Steam Engine, Highly Suspicious, Wordless Chorus, Anytime, I'm Amazed, Thank You Too, Touch Me I'm Going to Scream Pt. 2, Knot Comes Loose, The Way That He Sings, Phone Went West, I Will Be There When You Die

Beer of the Day: BBC - Jefferson Reserve Bourbon Barrel Stout

Lou-isville, Lou-isville!

Thursday, August 14, 2008


I hate to pass along bad news, but my grandfather passed away yesterday. It's been a sad time for me, my family, and several other "Life of Brian" fans and the next few days are sure to be extremely hard. I know some of you didn't get a chance to know Papa (as we all called him), but he was a great man. Here is his obituary from this morning's paper:

U'SELLIS, JOSEPH G. "JOE," 84, of Louisville, passed away Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at Baptist Hospital East. Born in Staten Island, NY, he attended St. Peter's High School. He later attended The Citadel and the University of Louisville. He was a retired vice president of sales for Wisconsin Tissue Mills, a cofounder of Cash & Carry Party Supply and was a real estate agent for Caldwell and Associates. Joe was a founding member of St. Pius X Catholic Church, a member of Woodhaven Country Club and 3rd degree Knights of Columbus, Assumption Council. He was an Army veteran of World War II, serving in the Battle of the Bulge. He also volunteered as a reader for the Kentucky School for the Blind and a children's reading tutor for the Jefferson County Public Schools. He was preceded in death by a son, Kurt U'Sellis; his parents, Joseph A. and Gertrude U'Sellis; and a sister, Audrey O'Connor. Survivors include his wife, the former JoAn Crush; children Gregg U'Sellis (Cheryl), Rick U'Sellis (Sue), Sherry U'Sellis, Doug U'Sellis (Michele) and Scott U'Sellis (Brenda); a sister Doris Rendt; 14 grandchildren; and seven great-grandchildren. The funeral Mass will be held at 11 a.m. Saturday at St. Pius Church, 3521 Goldsmith Lane, with burial in Calvary Cemetery. Visitation will be from 2-5 p.m. and 6-8 p.m. Friday at Ratterman and Sons, 3800 Bardstown Road. Memorial gifts may be made to Mass of the Air or to the donor's favorite charity.

Death is a weird thing to talk about and a hard thing to deal with. I know that a blog isn't the best place to discuss this sort of thing, but it's important to me and a lot of those who read this blog. While many people will have their own special memories of my grandfather, I have a ton myself. I'll always remember talking baseball with him, as he was a big Yankees fan and always used to tell me of going to Yankee stadium with his dad to catch Lou Gehrig and other baseball legends. I'll remember his wardrobe...Papa was a tad color blind and while his outfits were always the same color...they were often different shades. I also never in my life saw Papa wear a belt, as all of his pants were tailored to fit just right...and didn't even have belt loops. I'll remember how much he hated facial hair. He would often not talk to my dad and my uncles when they sported a beard, but unfortunately for Papa...part of being a male U'Sellis means you are blessed with the ability to grow a beard in less than 24 hours...or by grabbing something and pushing really hard. Papa got better in terms of his facial hair feelings as more grandchildren began to grow beards by the time they graduated 8th grade, he really had no choice...and I must say he adapted quite well. And I'll remember his funny old time sayings such as, "Isn't that tender" when referring to something sweet or cute, or when he'd say, "I guess I'll have to go try out the plumbing" whenever he had to use the restroom.

I'll also always remember my favorite story of him, which is when my younger step-brother, Ryan, came home from golfing one day with Papa and asked, "Are you allowed to drink a beer while driving a car?" to which we all replied, "Lord no, did you see someone doing that?" Ryan replied, "Yeah, Papa!" A while later I asked Papa about that particular incident, he looked at me and said, "Son, I grew up during the depression...don't preach to me about stuff like that."

He's gone now and while it is very sad, I and all those who knew him are lucky to have had him as part of our lives for so long. He'll be missed, but never forgotten, and I ask you not to think of me or my family at this time...but next time you have a beer, eat a hot dog, or play some golf (three of his favorite things), just think of ol' Joesph G. U'Sellis...or Papa, as I and my family knew him.

Take care everyone, I'll be back on Monday.

Beer of the Day: Goose Island - Honker's Ale
Song of the Day: My Morning Jacket - Golden

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Tuesday Tidbits

haha hah...tidbits....what a funny word.

*** The Olympics are still going on in case you didn't know and man are they amazing! Last night Michael Phelps won gold medal #3, the men's USA gymnastics team came out of nowhere to earn an impressive bronze medal and Kerri and Misty showed why everyone loves them. Be sure to watch tonight as Phelps goes for 2 more golds and tries to become the greatest Olympian ever!

On a side note, the Olympics has also helped me learn some math...this is good since I was an English major and often forget basic math facts. The equation the Olympics have helped me solve is this one:

4 hours of olympic coverage daily + 1 crazy awesome TV = The demise of operation dump Becky 3.0 (also it equals one happy Becky!).

Oh well, only like another week and a half and then I'll kick it in to gear with the even more popular...Operation Dump Becky 4.0 (El Cuatro!)

*** So if any of you have been on Facebook lately you may have noticed some weird wall posts from myself and others. Well it appears that Facebook is not as innocent as you may think. Apparently random people, including myself, have been given some facebook virus that makes you post on your friends' walls at random. It's really great, especially since many of the people I apparently contacted are not people I normally talk to...which then leads to super awkward facebook exchanges. This only goes to prove that you should not have more than about 100 facebook one on the planet has more than that many real friends...not even you social butterfly you.

*** Anybody see Brian Brohm's NFL debut on Monday Night Football last night? No? Me neither.

*** Ch, Ch, Ch, Ch, Check it out...I just made a sweet post on the Brouha Board. Double bloggin' is sweet!

***Chalk up another fan for the blog! Sunshine has been added to the crew. I know what you're thinking..."Brian, your blog is the bomb! How did you get Sunshine, the quarterback from Remember the Titans, to be a fan of your blog?"...Well, you's my cousin Sunshine...not that badass QB. But mark my word, my 54th fan WILL BE Gerry Bertier! What? Oh, he died at the end didn't he? Well what the hell let's make a better prediction. The 54th fan of the Life of Brian blog...Denzel Washington! Take it to the bank!

Song of the Day: Avett Brothers - Murder in the City
Beer of the Day: Dogfish Head - 90min IPA

Monday, August 11, 2008

U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!!!

How you like us now France?

You wanna know why I can hardly talk today? It's because last night...along with a ton of other Americans...I became a swimming fanatic.

Yes indeed people, the 2008 Olympic games are here and if you haven't been watching I suggest you stop being such a commie and switch on NBC for a while tonight and root your face off for athletes who you don't know...but will soon make you their biggest fan.

In case you missed it last night (I dunno how you could) the American Men's 400 freestyle relay team put on a performance for the ages. When Jason Lezak entered the pool as the American's last swimmer...he trailed the last swimmer from France by an entire body length. The French, who earlier had claimed they were going to "Smash the Americans" were still one body length a head as the two swimmers turned to make the final trip down the pool. It looked as though the Frenchies were gonna take it, but then Lezak, the teams oldest member (32), swam faster than anyone ever before him in the same event. As the two swimmers got closer to the finishing wall...Lezak got closer to the Frenchman. Then, in what has to be one of the best buzzer beaters in sports history...Lezak out touched the Frenchman by .08 of a second...lifting his USA team to a Gold medal and lifting me out of my chair and into the air!

In a race where the Americans crushed the world record, (in fact the top 5 teams in the race beat the previous world record) they also showed the greatness of the Olympics.

Within seconds of the race I got two phone calls, one from my older brother and one from my good buddy Tom up in New York. "HOLY CRAP THAT WAS AWESOME" screamed Ben. "I HAD TO CALL SOMEONE AND I KNEW YOU WERE WATCHING" barked Tom. Indeed boys, Indeed. The show quickly turned to the studio where Bob Costas and Chris Collinsworth sat as giddy as two little school girls. You could tell they had just been up celebrating as well. This morning, talk radio shows were filled with callers talking about how they were just screaming "GO!! GO!!! YEAAHHHHHHH" at their television. Another caller talked about being outside for a cigarette and hearing other people in their neighboorhood screaming at the top of their lungs...only to realize they had stepped out and missed such a great moment.

You see, that's whats great about the games. In a country where sports are as important as can be, rivalries often get the best of people. Whether it's Yanks vs. BoSox, Cards vs. Cats, Heels Vs. Dookies...people are often divided, sometimes in their own homes, when it comes to sports. But, during the Olympics...everything changes. Mothers, sons, fathers, uncles, daughters, neighbors, friends and strangers are all rooting for THEIR country. Even though most people who watched the race last night probably couldn't tell you 2 out of 4 of the swimmers' names...they will be able to tell you years from now where they were and who they were with...and most of proud they felt.

Me, I was with my mom...screaming at the TV, pounding my fists on the arm of the couch, jumping up into the air and screaming in joy as if I had done something to help Michael Phelps, Garret Weber-Gale, Cullen Jones and Jason Lezak provide what is sure to be one of the best moments in Olympic history...but I wasn't alone...there were plenty of other newborn American swim fans doing the same thing last night.

If you're sitting there thinking, man...that was such an awesome moment why should I waste anymore time watching the clearly were more productive than me this weekend. I watched about 50,000 hours of Olympic coverage and here are a few things to look forward too.

1.) The Men's basketball team opened with a monster game against China...winning by 30 points and looking like they are THE team to beat regardless of what has happened to them in years past. They play tomorrow morning at 8:30, I think you can watch the game for free online at

2.) Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor play again tonight in primetime as they look to defend their gold medal in beach volleyball...these chicks can roll...just watch.

3.) That Michael Phelps dude...he's back in the pool tonight looking for gold medal #3 and looking to keep alive his hopes of winning 8 golds this Olympics and becoming the greatest Olympian ever!

Also, I just want to say that love him or hate him...the presence of the President at all the events has also added to the enjoyment of the games for me. It is great to see him cheering on these atheltes who get less glory than MLB, NBA and NFL athletes, but work twice as hard and face more pressure than you and I will face in our lives combined. However, it doesn't seem as though the president minded being over there and meeting the athletes too know what I'm saying?
He also apparently told the basketball team before the game to, "Go get a W, for W!" What a hilarious man.

Ok, sorry for the long post...but I love the Olympics. Do yourself a favor a tune in tonight.


Song of the Day: Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run
Beer of the Day: Pabst Blue Ribbon! (No imports for the next two weeks)

Friday, August 08, 2008

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

I was totally going to post about the Olympics today and how much I love them...and how I fell in love with the 1996 women's gymnastics team...but that can wait until Monday.

Today I want to talk about baseball. Not the game necessarily, but the experience.

I went to a Bats game last night, which is Louisville's AAA team, and I realized games are happy. I went out with my Dad, grandpa, uncles, brother, cousins, etc. and it was a good time....and here is games provide great moments for people from all walks of life, it's a long game so you have to kill a lot of time so here is how I think you should go about every baseball game.

Before you even think about watching a pitch you need to do two things...get a light beer, and get a hot dog. I know they have nachos, fried bologna, hamburgers and everything else to eat out there...but this is baseball get a hot dog for crying out loud.

Once you have your beer and dog, go find your seat and get positioned. Now, over the next three innings while you eat your dog and finish beer #1, you should definetley talk about all the great moments you or those close to you had while playing little league. Funny moments are better than serious ones...but there is no shame in talking about that sweet double play you turned in 1996, or when you broke current Green Bay Packers' QB Brian Brohm's heart by putting his team out of the 8th grade city baseball tournament by ripping his fastball for a game winning double (have I ever told any of you about that? It was awesome). But just talk about all the things you did when you were a kid.

"But Brian, I didn't play baseball as a kid?"

What??? Are you from America??? Well first go smack your parents in the face for not forcing you to play the greatest game ever (don't disrespect your parents...but they owe you) and then make up a story about your little league career in order to not feel like a moron in front of your are a few tall tales to start with.

*** One time I slipped on a ball and broke my arm, and then the doctors ended up fixing it..but then I could throw really hard so I ended up leading the Cubs to a World Series.

*** One time when I was growing up my grandpa died and left the Minnesota Twins to me in his will. I made myself the coach and by seasons end the Twins were pretty good.

*** One time I took my step dad's Babe Ruth autograph baseball and used it to make friends...then someone hit it into a backyard with a killer dog, luckily before my step dad killed me for being a dumb ass, Benny the Jet Rodriguez and James Earl Jones helped me fix the situation.

*** One time I built a full baseball field in my backyard and all these old baseball players came out of the corn fields to play for a was weird.

Careful, you should only use one or two of those if you want your friend's to believe you.

Now, where was I....oh we just finished our first beer and hot dog. It's probably like the 4th inning now, so now get another beer and some peanuts...but make sure you get them from a man walking around and make him throw the peanuts at you...that makes for more fun. If your seats are in the middle of a section, make all of the people between you and the aisle touch your money as you pass it to the vendor...this helps build unity among fans.

Now eat your peanuts and intentionally spill a few peanut shells into your beer to make it taste better. Then, reenact the scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off when he and Cameron yell, "Heeeeeeey, batter batter batter....swwwwwwwinnnnng batter. He can't hit, He can't hit, He can't hit...Ssssswwwwing batter." Do this to every opposing hitter for one inning...if they get out 1,2,3 in that gotta continue to do it the next inning till someone on the other team gets a hit.

Ok, now it's probably getting late. So go get yourself an ice cream sundae in a helmet and enjoy the rest of the game.

Actually, you don't have to follow my rules for going to a baseball can do whatever you want and that's the beauty. I personally spend more time watching other people...mainly kids (creepy I know), but kids love baseball. Last night a ball boy tossed this little kid a ball and it pretty much made his life...he just smiled and held the ball in the air like a champ...only to return to his mom and dad and have them give him a hug and share the same amount of joy. This kid was only topped by the little kid behind me. A bats player reached base on a bloop single, easily one of the worst hits of the game...and this kid loved it. He was jumping up and down, high fiving his dad, pumping his fist and just yelling, "YEEEEEEESSSS, YESSSSSSSS, YYYYYEEEEESSSSS!" The next guy struck out to end the inning...but that kid didn't care...that bloop single was f'ing sweet! Baseball is fun...I dare you to go to a ball game and be sad while your can't happen. But the games are long so go with some good company, buy a loved one a shitty beer, talk about playing when you were a kid...and just enjoy the surroundings of one of America's best events.

Also, if you don't stand up and sing, "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" during the 7th inning stretch , I'll find you and hurt you...that is the best part about going to a baseball game.

Happy Friday Kids.

Song of the Day: Pearl Jam - Parachutes
Beer of the Day: Sierra Nevada Pale Ale

Thursday, August 07, 2008

When It Rains....It Pours!

You ever have that day where it doesn't matter what you's not going to turn out the way you want it too? Well I had a day like that yesterday.

It started during lunch. I had been awaiting two packages that I ordered about a week and a half ago, I tracked them online and it said that they could not be delivered because of in inadequate address. As it turns out, my PayPal account decided to leave off the numbers of my address. So I called the post office and found out that my packages were on their way back to the sender. COME ON!!

But that's not all. Later on, I decided to go get my car washed and get a wax rinse on it too since the hood was looking pretty crummy. So I pulled into the bay at the wash and pulled up until the green light turned red, and while I sat there I, I'm pulled up pretty far...but it gave me the stop sign and it didn't say, "back up" which was another light they had, so I thought oh well it should be fine. It wasn' only washed the back half of my car, and soap somehow got to the front but not the I pulled out of the bay with colored soap all over the front of my damn car!!!

Then, I went to Target to get some cords to hook up my DVD player to my new bad ass TV. I checked to see which cords I needed before I left, I bought the correct component cords at target and then I got them home and hooked them up just as the directions told me too. Do you think it worked? OF COURSE IT DIDN'T!!!

I thought about sitting there and letting all of this ruin the rest of my Wednesday night...but I didn't. I normally would have, but I didn't this time and here's why...shit happens. Some days are good...and some are bad...but you just gotta deal.

I sat there and thought to myself, at least I have a car that runs...even if the front is less shiny than the back. At least those packages are going to be re-sent to me...even if it takes longer. And, at least I am fortunate enough to have a nice TV...or a TV at all for that matter, I'll get the connection worked out eventually.

I can easily sit around and feel sorry for myself, but that's a waste of time and energy. I was pissed off until about 10 o'clock last night...but one thing I have learned in my 22 years is's never too late to start you day over. I wasted a good portion of my day, but the last 2 hours I was up were quite enjoyable. I played guitar, watched some sportscenter, and the Brett Favre situation is over (Go Jets), so it turned out a-ok.

Plus, I talked to Taylor a little while ago...and her day today is far worse than mine was yesterday...considering she has to herself (even though her boss promised she would have help) and she spent 4 hours today just dealing with the maintenance people trying to get a friggin' key to work for her new apartment. She's in her apartment now and everything has been moved...and she's dealing with it much better than I would have...if it were me I would have punched the first person I saw who was smaller than I was.

Sigh, there are gonna be times when things don't work when they should...but just keep your head up and realize that it is only gonna be as bad as you make it. It's ok to pout and feel sorry for yourself from time to time...but it's just a waste when looking back on it. Life's short, shit happens...Be Happy!

Also: I found this picture online and I wanted to share it with you guys...
That's not photoshopped. That's Darrell Griffith jumping over some 6'5 Polish defender at the World University games a while back. You want to know the crazy thing about the picture? Griff is on his way down...that defender was set to take a charge, and when he didn't feel any contact, he began to turn around to see what it turns out, Dr. Dunkenstein was just getting past him the best way he knew how...what a bad ass!

Song of the Day: Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy
Beer of the Day: XX Amber

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

I'm double bloggin' it!

That's right LoB fans...your's truly is doublin' the fun.

As a lot of you know, in the somewhat near future, I will hopefully be the manager of one incredible brewpub. Things are starting to heat up in terms of preparing and getting this pub off the ground and we want to create some interest. So, the other day at one of our brewpub meetings, me and the boys were talking about different things and I said dude, we're starting a blog...and wouldn't you know it...we have one now.

This blog will have posts from not only me, but also the other three fellas involved in the operation. We'll focus mainly on beer, talking to you guys about what we're brewing, what we're drinking and so on. We'll give you our opinions on different kinds of beer and basically just keep you updated on the wide world of beer.

So, without further ado...let me introduce you to

(psst, the picture is the link)

How's your mind? Blown?

So yeah, I just thought you guys might want to check out that blog too...just in case wasting about 5 mins of each weekday on this blog was not painful enough. But seriously, look at it and tell us what you think and if you find it enjoyable or helpful or whatever.


Song of the Day: Paul McCartney - Maybe I'm Amazed
Beer of the Day: Left Hand - Sawtooth Ale

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Totally Terrific Tuesday...

...with alliteration!

*** So I was so busy trying to stay alive yesterday I forgot to tell you about what I bought on Sunday. I'll give you a hint it starts with a "T" and ends with a "hirty-two inch LCD HD-TV"! Wow, yeah you got was a Thirty-two inch LCD nice guess. Anyway, I still had some grad money left and I figured what the heck...let's go nuts. It is really awesome. The picture is great, the remote is awesome looking, the sound is crisp...I mean it's crazy awesome!
However, I have noticed a few drawbacks. One is that high-def is not always a good thing. For instance, I was watching the NFL pre-season game the other night and John Madden was calling the game. It was all gravy when they were showing the game...but soon they switched the camera to the press box and "AHHHH KELLY CLARKSON!!!" I mean that John Madden is one ugly no way shape or form do I need to watch his face in high def. My other problem is that having this new TV has all but killed Operation Dump Becky 3.0. I am still fighting...but man it is hard with such bad ass TV!

*** You may have noticed that the last two songs of the day came from the same artist...well that wasn't a mistake, it's because I picked up the album "Fate" by Dr. Dog...and it's great. It's easily the second best album I've bought this year behind My Morning Jacket's "Evil Urges." They have a great sound to them and I suggest that you guys give it a spin.

*** BRETT FAVRE UPDATE!!! Who Brohm if you want to win(my heart, not football games necessarily)!

*** I met Dude after work yesterday to grab a beer and talk some brewpub among other things. Our waiter was a bit odd and he did something that struck me as funny. After I had finished my first beer he was like, "Oh, I'm gonna talk you into another one!" I was like, "Yeah, I'll have another one...why not?" But then the guys was like, "See I told ya I could do it...hahah."
First of And secondly, way to give yourself a pat on the back for "talking" ME into another beer. For the record, talking me into a second beer is as easy as talking Matthew McConaughey into sucking. It's automatic! But congrats anyway on your accomplishment waiter guy!

*** Do you guys know what today is??? It's the start of college football practice! That's right today is the day that the Cardinals begin to get after it in hopes of producing a season that makes me forget about the 6 times I had to curl up in the fetal position in a puddle of my own tears last year. I have a good feeling about this year and it all starts in 26 days when the Cards are gonna go Happy-Go-Jacky on the Wildcats like a Donkey eating a Waffle.

Roll the highlights...

Song of the Day: Otis Redding - That's How Strong My Love Is
Beer of the Day: Leinenkugel's - Sunset Wheat

Monday, August 04, 2008

I've got a case of the Mondays

I'm very tired today. I know what you're thinking...and yes, I'm always tired at work. But today I'm especially tired and somewhat sore because I subbed for my brother's volleyball team yesterday. I hadn't played volleyball in a long time, but I was a 2-time city champion back in the day and I was super excited to play. The first game I felt good, I even blocked some dude at the net and made a few other nice plays. I was feeling good. However, about halfway through the second game my body started realizing that it was 100+ degrees in the sand and my body hadn't been through such a vigorous workout since the Clinton administration. Soon my body just shut off and I found myself not going after several reachable balls in order to keep my lunch in my stomach. Oh well it was fun...but it has left me drained on this blazing hot Monday.

So, in hopes of preventing myself from rambling on about something none of you care about...I'm going to share two YouTube videos with you guys.

These videos are wonderful, I think my college friends and I watched them both about 100 times last year...and they're still funny. Basically a couple of 20 something guys get one of their friends pretty drunk and then have them retell a historical story...but, to make it even better the people some how got Jack Black and Michael Cera to act out these ridiculous accounts of Alexander Hamilton and Ben Franklin.

So, without further ado...I present...DRUNK HISTORY!
Volume 1

Volume 2

Pretty awesome huh? Also, I figured out how to put YouTube videos right on the bout dem apples?

Have a good Monday everyone!

Song of the Day: Dr. Dog - Hang On

Beer of the Day: Magic Hat - Hocus Pocus

Friday, August 01, 2008

Where have you gone Will Ferrell???

I saw Will Ferrell's new movie, Stepbrothers, last night....and it was awful. Did I laugh? Sure I did...but overall the movie was a disaster. No one in the world is a bigger Ferrell fan than me...but his last three comedy movies are not up to par.

First was Blades of Glory. It had moments, but was not up to par with old Ferrell classics such as Anchorman, Old School and Talladega Nights.

Next was Semi-Pro. I never saw this movie...but my 16 year old step brother Ryan said it was crap. Here is a little advice for you...if a 16 year old boy doesn't laugh at a Will Ferrell comedy movie...don't go see it. I can say any number of words that somehow relate to the human body and Ryan will laugh on demand. So that was all the proof I needed that Will was off his game in that one.

Now Stepbrothers. Like I said, there were a few funny parts, but it seems as though Ferrell and the producers have decided to just be as vulgar as can be and have that serve as comedy...well I'm not buying it.

So I'm a bit worried/sad today because even though Will Ferrell is still funny (anyone who watched the ESPYs can testify) it appears that the days of Frank the Tank, Ron Burgundy, Ricky Bobby and even Buddy the Elf are gone...and we are left with nothing but movies that are so vulgar and bad that there are no quotable lines...well at least none you would want to say in fear of having your mouth washed out with soap.

Bottom line...Will Ferrell...if you're reading, which I'm sure you are...think long and hard about your next movie and give the people another quotable classic...instead of another painful embarrassment.

I love you Will Ferrell!!! But please go back to doing things like this and even this.

Have a good weekend kids!

Song of the Day: Dr. Dog - The Old Days
Beer of the Day: Left Hand - Deep Cover Brown