Thursday, August 06, 2009

UofL Football: Goals for '09

Today is the first football practice for my beloved University of Louisville Cardinals. There was a time, not too long ago, when the first day of football practice would get me all sorts of jacked up. There would be talks of heisman trophies, BCS bowls, 10 win seasons and even National Championships! Those days are gone. This year is the third under head coach Steve Kragthorpe and I think it's safe to say that it may be his last. However, the best thing about the first day of practice...is that everyone is undefeated.

So, I'm not going to dwell on our past two seasons of misery. I'm not going to call for Steve Kragthorpe's head if he doesn't win 8 or more games. I'm just going to root my pants off for my favorite team...each and every game.

However, it would appear as though the Cards may in fact suffer another dreadful season. But, I've decided to set up some goals for the Cards...not outrageous goals...but goals that will help me get through the season without breaking anything.

So without further ado, I'd like to present you with Brian's goals for a successful 2009 UofL Football season.

1.) Fewer than 5 "Too many men on the field" penalties. It's not hard...all you have to do is count. However, in addition I would like there to be fewer than ZERO "Too many men on the field" penalties when we are coming out of a time out. It shouldn't happen. Not once...not ever. It's just counting guys...that's all.

2.) I would like to make 50% of our field goal attempts within 40 yards. I'll cut our kicker's some slack because hey field goals over 40 yards are tough and I don't think we made a single one last year. But, if we could just make half of our field goals from 39 yards away and closer...that'd be good enough for me.

3.) I want Steve Kragthorpe to yell at someone at least once a game. He can't just yell because he knows other football coaches yell...he must yell at someone who has just messed up. It's football, scream for crying out loud.

4.) I would like Steve Kragthorpe to smile at least 2 times this season. I know we may not win many games and I know I just told you to scream at people...but if this is the facial expression I have to look at all season long:
I'm gonna lose it. Once again, it's football...show some friggin' emotion.


5.) If we are attempting to run out the clock and the other team is out of time outs, not once are we allowed to snap the ball with more than 2 seconds on the play clock. If you can run an extra 8 seconds off the clock when you have a 4 point lead and there is under two minutes to play...RUN IT OFF! Guess what, you get at least 3 downs to run the clock...those 8-10 seconds each down start to add up. Once again...it's just counting.

6.) I want Vic Anderson to do crazy awesome things. He's one of the only bright spots on the team and he's a helluva lot of fun to watch. I'm not saying he has to score 10 TDs or rush for 1,000 yards...but just do something exciting once every couple of games. It can even be something as small as producing this ridiculous picture:
That's good enough for me.

7.) If we play Syracuse and Greg Paulus is playing QB, I want him to get JACKED UP! I don't care if we have to take a roughing the passer penalty. He sucks and we should drive him into the turf whenever we can.

8.) Here's another basic math problem. If we're faced with a 3rd and 6...I don't ever want us to run an out rout that will result in anything less than 6 yards. If we get tackled before we get the 6 yards that's fine. But, never should we run a route that lands us out of bounds before the marker. If we need 4 yards...throw out the 3 yard out routes!

9.) If Joe Tronzo is in at fullback and serving as the lead blocker for our running back, I want to running back to follow him....EVERY DAMN TIME! Don't dance around the outside or try to find a bigger hole. Tronzo might be the strongest dude in the nation...he will make you a hole...I promise. He's number 48, just follow him. I mean seriously...dude's a beast:


10.) Look like we know what were doing at least 85% of the time. We don't have to actually know what were doing, but if we could just look like a somewhat competent football team, that'd be enough

11.) This one is for me personally. Watch every game from start to finish. In addition drink at least one beer each quarter and promise to yell and cheer for the Cards every single game!

Ok let's recap:

1.) Less than 5 too many men on the field penalties and zero after a timeout
2.) Make 50% of our field goals inside 40 yards
3.) Steve Kragthorpe must yell at someone at least once a game
4.) Steve Kragthorpe must smile twice this season
5.) No snapping the ball with more than 2 seconds on the play clock when trying to run out the clock
6.) Vic Anderson must do a few crazy awesome things
7.) If Paulus plays...Paulus goes down...often.
8.) No out routes on third down that will result in fewer yards than needed for the first down.
9.) Follow the really strong dude...#48
10.) Look like you know what's going on.
11.) Drink at least one beer every quarter, watch all the games...be a fan

As you can see, I'm not asking for much. I'm not even demanding a win...or even a touchdown. But, if we can fulfill all of these goals together...then I'd be a much happier fan. Even if we don't win a game.


Sigh...We won the Orange Bowl in 2006, you know?


GO CARDS!


Song of the Day: Get Down Click - Louisville
GRE Word: Enigmatic - Mysterious; obscure; difficult to understand

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