Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Story Time

So I'm having a tough time blogging today...some days it's just tough to think of something. But, today I'll just share a story from my past. Somehow the name Patrick Sparks came up yesterday...which reminded me of an awesome moment in the Life of Brian.

For those of you who don't know who Patrick Sparks is let me give you an introduction. He is a ugly little punk who use to play basketball for the University of Kentucky. Now it's been made clear that UK isn't really my favorite team, and while most of their players get on my nerves, I can respect a decent number of them (Chuck Hayes)....However, in my opinion, Patrick Sparks was the biggest piece of crap to ever play the game of college basketball. I honestly think that most UK fans would now admit that he's awful at life.

Anyway, Sophomore year of college I was out with Taylor and some others at a party on fraternity row at Centre. I was in the house on the end of the row and about 30 mins after I got there I started to hear the gossip. "OMG, Patrick Sparks is totally at the Phi Delt house right now" One cat fan would say to another. It soon got on my nerves and after one of my friend's girlfriend exclaimed, "I was just down at the Phi Delt house and Patrick Sparks grabbed my butt!" My buddy, a UK fan, just smiled as if he was pumped that this dude had groped his lady.

I at first attempted to ignore it and go on with my night...I really did...but as I drank another beer or three I soon realized that containing my hate for Mr. Sparks was no longer possible. So, I did what any bad ass would do....I decided I'd challenge Patrick Sparks to a game of H-O-R-S-E on the b-ball courts behind the fraternity houses.

I found a basketball laying around the fraternity house, it was totally flat but it didn't matter, then I rallied up a group of fans to march with me as I went to lay the smack down on this schmuck.

Me and about 6 other people marched out of the SAE house on the end of the row and stomped into the Phi Delt house about three houses down the row.

I walked into the house with terrible Country music playing armed with a flat basketball under my arm, and backed by my army. Once in the house I was immediately met by Phi Delt meathead number one. The conversation went like this...

Me: Where is Patrick Sparks?

Meathead #1: Dude, He's not going to sign your basketball!!! (Attempts to knock the ball out from under my arm)


(gather myself)

Sign my ball? Like hell! I want to challenge him to HORSE so I can show him who's boss and prove to all these people that he in fact is awful....this isn't even my basketball!

Meathead #2: He's upstairs but you can't see him!

Me: Why?

Meathead #1: Because he's just a normal guy like us!

Me: Well that's good because normal guys like to play HORSE!

(I start to walk upstairs)

Meathead #2: No way man, We've got our boys up there making sure no one bothers him.

Me: So he's just a normal guy like us...but you find it necessary to have body guards for him? Even though he's the same age as us and everything?

Meathead #1: Well, look Dude just take your ball and leave...he doesn't have time to play your stupid games.

Me: That's fine, but let it be known the Patrick Sparks not only is a loser who is no good at basketball, he also is afraid to play me in HORSE....and you guys are playing "bodyguard" for someone your own a fraternity house.

I then preceded to march out of the house...probably yelling totally uncalled/untrue things about Patrick Sparks...and I went to the b-ball courts and toed up the three point line and yelled, "This one's for Mr. Sparks...who won't play me in HORSE!"

Then I buried a the Three!!!

I swear that's all true, the shot even went in...although I'm about 99% sure that if that ball had had any air in it whatsoever it would have shot of the rim like space rocket....but that's not the point.

The point is, I had people coming up to me for like a week asking me if I really challenged Patrick Sparks to a game of HORSE....I told them I tried and then told him the whole story about the Meatheads and all.

Anyway, it was a proud moment in my college basketball career and anytime the name Patrick Sparks is brought up...I immediately let the people know that I own him...because he is and always will be a no talent ass clown!

Sorry for the strong language...I just really hate Patrick Sparks!

Also, if T-Will needed a body guard...I'd do it. But I'm not talking about protecting him from drunk college kids who want to play HORSE, I'm saying I'd take a bullet for him....that's totally legit.

On that note, I'd like to take this time and wish everyone a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving! Eat some good food, pass out watching football, enjoy your family and friends, eat some leftovers the next day....I love the holidays!

I'll be back on Monday kiddos!

Song of the Weekend: The Beatles - Girl
Beer of the Weekend: Dogfish Head - Punkin Ale

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