Wednesday, January 07, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

Ok the time has finally come to share my new year's resolutions with you guys. I have a few of them but there is one that is way more important and more serious than the others...

DUMP BECKY!

For those of you new to the game...Becky is the yeast baby that has been growing in my stomach ever since I started college. I've had 3 battles with her, each one doing slightly better than the previous one...but in the end each one failed. However, it's a new year and a new battle.

Now, I'm sure most of you are sitting there thinking, "Brian, this is ridiculous...you look amazing and there is no way you need to lose any weight or change anything about the way you look." First of all, thanks for the kind thoughts. Second of all, you're wrong...you just think I look amazing because my beard morphs all 3 of my chins into one manly bearded chin.

Now, my goal has never really been to lose a certain amount of weight...it's simply to just be fit. Dieting is a joke for me because I love beer and Qdoba too much...so my only choice is exercise. My favorite way to exercise is to play basketball and the last time I was without Becky was back when I played basketball 5 times a week. Well, playing basketball 5 times a week is hard to do these days...and it's also hard to find enough people for a game of kickball, frozen catchers or army dodge ball (my other favorites), so I'm left with one way to exercise....running.

Let me tell you a little secret...I hate running.

However, I have figured out a way to force myself to run....I am signing up for the mini-marathon!

I'm super competitive and this is about the only way I could figure out how to be competitive while running, also I have to pay 35 bucks to sign up for the mini marathon and if I put some money into this...I'll do it for sure.

Now, I know you guys are probably all thinking I'm crazy. I mean a mini-marathon is over 13 miles! But, I've already completed 2 days of training and there is nothing that can stop me...outside of a broken leg.

In order to help me with my training I mapped out an excellent route around my apartment, I bought some nice cold weather running gear, and I printed off a day by day training calendar. I'm set!

I bet some of you are also wondering why I didn't just choose to run inside on a treadmill in a nice warm gym. Well two reasons: 1. I don't have a free gym...and...2. Rocky IV.

You see in Rocky IV, Rocky defeats Ivan Drago in an unthinkable Christmas Day clash in Russia. Drago is like twice his size and he had just killed Rocky's best friend Apollo Creed in his last match. Basically, Rocky was doomed for sure. However, in one amazing 5 minute montage...we see the two fighters training. Drago has an indoor facility where he runs on a track and uses machines and such. Rocky on the other hand trains outside in the snow...running up mountains, chopping wood and pulling Pauley's fat lard on a sled. What I'm trying to say is...working out indoors is for pansies...and I, like Rocky, am no pansy.
Here's a taste for those who are unfamiliar:

Yup, that's pretty much exactly what my training will be like...minus the snow, heavy lifting and wilderness...my outfit however will be identical to Rocky's.

So, to sum up this ridiculous post...I'm going to dump Becky in a Rocky IV inspired battle with the mini-marathon ...boo-yah 2009!

Also, I'm trying to get other people to run the marathon too...so if you want to, let me know...then we can figure out a training program for you and compare your quest with another awesome Sly Stallone movie...probably the arm-wrestling classic, "Over the Top"


In addition to my perfect plan to dump Becky...This year I'm also going to try to eat a tad healthier, cuss less and cut down on spending.

I'm still going to eat Qdoba and Pizza and all that jazz, but if I have an orange or an apple every other day...that'd probably be helpful.

Also, I don't have a potty mouth by any means...but every once in a while I find my self cussing for no reason. From now on I'm only allowed to cuss for comedic effect...or if a referee makes a ridiculous call.

And as far as spending goes, I'm not going to become a penny pincher...but I could probably do with just one CD each time I go into Ear X-Tacy...and maybe even just one less Qdoba trip every other week....those two things alone should save me about 10,000 bucks in '09.

Alright guys, that's my plan to revamp the life of Brian in 2009. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

Song of the Day: Little Joy - Next Time Around
Beer of the Day: Abita - Turbo Dog

1 comment:

Patrick C. said...

Hey Brian, I've signed up for the miniMarathon also. It's something I've always wanted to do, but have never been in good enough shape for it. You're right about the beer, can't give that up. But good luck to you and I'll see you on the basketball court.