Monday, December 08, 2008

An Ode to Sweatpants

It doesn't really get any better than sweatpants.

Now let's get this straight, I like flannel pajama pants, I have a pair that I wear quite often...but if I'm trying to make a statement about my laziness, I'm going with my sweats.

I got a pair of UofL sweatpants for my birthday when I was a freshman in high school. Luckily when I was a freshman in high school I was determined to be the next member of the Cash Money Rap family...so my pants were so big they left plenty of room to accommodate Becky and the other weight I've added over the years.

Truth is, there is nothing I like more than wearing those sweatpants. You know why I like wearing those sweatpants? Because they are a sign that I'm not going anywhere....and better yet, I'm not doing anything. Sure I may get up and wash a few dishes at halftime of a game I'm watching. Hell if I get really crazy I may even vacuum in between nap #2 and nap #3 of the day. But, you bet your ass I'm not going out to dinner and I'm probably not spending too much time away from my couch/big chair.

You see, sweatpants aren't just an article of clothing, they're a way of life. It's like hey...I want to be comfortable during my day of nothing...but I also want to have some pants on in case someone rings the doorbell or I have to go get some milk.

Pajama pants, while offering a similar amount of comfort, look sloppier. If I don't change out of my pajama pants until 4 in the afternoon...then I feel bad about myself because I slept in those pants. Plus, if for some reason I do have to leave the house for a brief period of time...those aren't acceptable for actual pants9.

Jeans and other pants are just not comfortable enough. I mean I love my jeans, they fit like a glove, but I can't take 2-4 naps in one day while wearing my jeans.

Windpants? Well they make that god awful swishhh sound...so they're out.

See, when it boils down to it, sweatpants are the best. While they can be used for regular pants for children, grown people can only use them outside of the house in certain instances:

1.) Sporting event, where you actually PLAY a sport, not just watch a sport

2.) Running to the store for less than 7 things. Need milk, bread, Gatorade, Honeycombs and toothpaste? No need to change your pants. However, it should also be noted that any store classier than Target is a no-no for sweatpants. You can't buy a sweater at the Gap while wearing sweats...it's just poor form.

3.) Picking up/dropping someone at some form of event, which you of course won't attend. Daughter has piano lessons? Nephew or little brother has football practice? No need to change the pants.

Basically if you're going to be gone for more than 30mins...Sweats are out, because that's just too much production for sweats.

Sweatpants are only able to reach there full potential when you're in the right mind set. If you are gonna wear your sweatpants, don't make any sort of plans and avoid leaving the couch as much as possible. Also, sporting events and movies on TNT, TBS and USA should be your main entertainment for the day.

I love my sweatpants for one reason( sure they make my ass look great...but that's not it). I love them because when I put them on...I haven't got a worry in the world!

So next time you've got a day on your hands and nothing planned...don't find a movie to see or a group of friends to meet up with...dig out those old sweatpants, do nothing, and enjoy every second of it!

(Final note, gray is the only acceptable color of sweatpants. Although if they have a team name or logo on them other colors are acceptable...your Louisville "L" makes your red sweats ok Lautaro.)

Song of the Day: Lupe Fiasco - Superstar
Beer of the Day: Furthermore - Three Feet Deep

1 comment:

will said...

Dude, "You've Got Mail" was on the other day. How amazing would it be to lounge around and watch THAT in some sweats?