Thursday, September 04, 2008

De Plane De Plane

Today I want to talk about airplanes and airports. As I said the other day, I love airports...but I'm not too fond of the whole flying experience. I mean taking a really heavy machine...filling it with people and then shipping it in the air from one place to another...it's just not natural. However, the whole experience of flying is really kind of entertaining.

You go get your ticket, then you have to take all of your clothes off and put them on a check out counter and walk through a metal detector. If you're like me...you can be totally naked and you'll still beep. I think I'm a perfect 10 out of my last 10. Anyway, when you're lucky enough to pass through security...you then get to wait at your gate.

Now while waiting, if you're like me you will begin to scope out the other travelers and what I have found is that you can break them down into three types of people.

Tom the Traveler
Tim the Tourist
Ordinary Joe

I like to look at people to not only judge them, but to see who I might want to sit around me...if I had a choice. Let me explain.

Tom the Traveler - This person is going to be dressed in business casual attire. They will not have a lot of carry on luggage. They will be alone. And they will have a really nice looking cell-phone. These types of people can be trusted, they do this kind of thing all the time and they aren't excited to be on a plane...they're just trying to get to where they're going. I like to identify at least one of these people once I'm on the plane, that way if a weird noise occurs, or there happens to be lots of turbulence, I can read their face and see if I should be worried or not. CAUTION: This could back fire and you could end up believing that your plane is about to crash...but it works most times. If you are traveling alone, Tom the Traveler is the person you want to sit next to...he's all business and he'll leave you alone...but he will also be polite.

Ordinary Joe - These people are going to look a lot like me. They will have on jeans and a fairly nice shirt, they will be reading a magazine or book of some sort, they will also have some carry on luggage, including a backpack of some kind. i-Pod is another thing to look for. These are the people who not frequent travelers, but have done it enough that they are at least somewhat comfortable. It is ok to sit next to them, but they may strike up the risky in-flight conversation. Often talking to strangers is fun...but it can become dangerous on a plane because if you begin a conversation and soon realize that person is either boring or annoying...you are stuck. You can't just say, "Oh I have to be some where!" You are now forced to either talk to that person, or sit awkwardly next to them. Ordinary Joe is a nice guy, sitting next to him should be ok...but wait until there are only about 45 mins left in the flight before talking to them.

Tim the Tourist - These people are the worst. They will look like a tourist. Cargo shorts, Hawaiian shirts, tennis shoes with tube socks...these are all possibilities. If they're on their way home...they will undoubtedly have on a t-shirt from some "Crazy fun" restaurant they went to. They will have way too much carry-on luggage, they will ask way too many questions, they will want to be the first on the plane and the first off the plane regardless of where they are sitting, they will also ask the flight attendants for something every 10 minutes. These people don't travel much, so when they do...they want everyone to know. If you get stuck sitting next to Tim the Tourist...go to sleep before the plane moves. Otherwise you'll get an earful about how amazing this person's trip to Florida was and how crazy they got at the Crazy Crab!

That's how I see it...you may disagree, but I think if you follow those guidelines you'll end up much happier.

Just for fun, here are a few other things that annoy me about flying: When they start boarding...everyone goes and stands in line. Why? You are all gonna get on, why stand around? Also, when the plane stops...why does everyone immediately shoot out of their seats and proceed to stand in the aisle for 20 mins? It's dumb. Also, stop using my overhead bin space....it's mine!

But the best parts about flying: The drinks and peanuts they bring you, trying to pee during a pocket of turbulance, getting places really really quickly.


Well, that's my rant about airplanes...I enjoy flying...but sometimes it can be a bit much.

Enjoy your Thursday people.

Song of the Day: Avett Brothers - The Weight of Lies
Beer of the Day: Mikkeller - Beer Geek Breakfast

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